Lycan Christmas Read online

“I don’t know if I can ever give you what you want.”

  She faced him, tears burning her eyes. “I’m not trying to be unfair by asking this of you, but I’m begging you to make an effort to understand my point of view. If I make a commitment to you, if we are to be together, I need to know you, Lorent. The real you. I need to know that you can trust me. I need to know that you can come to me and tell me anything. I expect nothing of you I’m not willing to give myself. I told you about my mother.

  I’ve never told another soul. No one knows my true feelings or the guilt I feel over her death.”

  She stepped back when Lorent came toward her.

  “I love you, Lorent. I’ll always love you no matter what you do, no matter what you’ve done. I have to know that you will never doubt that.”

  He held his hands up and shook his head. The sorrow in his eyes, the defeat that burned in them nearly made her cry out. She wanted to go to him, hold him, pound some sense into his thick skull.

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  But if he couldn’t trust her, she couldn’t commit her life to him. If he couldn’t believe that she would still love him after hearing about his past, she didn’t see how they could have a healthy relationship. She would never be able to prove to him that she’d love him, all of him, mistakes and all.

  “I understand. I’ll think about it, but I can’t promise anything.”

  Tears fell down her cheeks. What if he refused to tell her? Would he really throw away what they could have just to keep his secrets? Maybe he didn’t love her. After all, he’d never said it back.

  “I can’t continue these lessons, Lorent. I’ll talk to Rose and tell her . . .”

  She shrugged. “I don’t know. I’ll tell her something. You’ve been nothing but kind to me, and I’ll make sure she knows that. Thank you for what you’ve taught me.”

  She turned to go, but when she reached for the door, a warm hand came down on her shoulder.

  Lorent nuzzled her hair and took a deep breath as if trying to get her scent deep into his lungs. She almost turned around, flung her arms around him, and begged him to forget everything she’d said, that nothing mattered as long as he never stopped touching her again, but she couldn’t. She had to stand firm for her own good, for the good of their future . . . for Lorent.

  “Please don’t go,” he pleaded.

  She choked out an “I’m sorry” before hurrying out the door and away from the man she’d fallen in love with.

  She stopped by Rose’s on her way home in hopes to talk to her about what had happened, but didn’t get to discuss anything in detail since Knox had shown up halfway through their conversation. After a halfhearted attempt at eating a spaghetti dinner they’d invited her to stay and share with them, Knox walked her back to her cabin as the sun sank from the sky.

  Puss greeted her when she got home, and she scooped the cat up, hugged her, and nuzzled her nose against the soft fur of her neck.

  “I don’t know if I’m going to get through to him, Puss.” Melony felt the tears building again and choked back a sob.

  She let Puss down after deciding to do a load of laundry and to give her place a good scrubbing. The place wasn’t all that dirty, but she needed 128

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  something to occupy her mind. She scrubbed every nook and cranny, found every tiny cobweb, and several hours and a sparkling home later, she stepped under the hot spray of the shower. She was exhausted both mentally and physically. While she still felt she’d made the right decision about Lorent, her heart argued the point.

  After the shower, she sank into bed and burrowed under the covers, where she fell asleep almost instantly with Puss curled up next to her, purring contentedly.

  * * * *

  She stared at Lorent, torn between the urge to run away and the need to fling herself into his arms. She hadn’t been all that surprised when he’d shown up in her dreams yet again since it had become a normal, nearly nightly occurrence.

  “Melony.” His voice was low, gravelly, etched with longing and a hint of . . . pain?

  “Go away, Lorent. I can’t bear being with you in my dreams when I can’t be with you in real life.” If she wasn’t so sad, she’d find it amusing that she was once again arguing with her own subconscious.

  When hurt flashed in his eyes, she nearly caved and apologized. She couldn’t stand the thought of him hurting, especially when she’d caused it.

  He sat on a boulder and patted the space next to him. “Come. Sit by me. Give me a few moments of your time. After that, if you still want me to leave, I will, and I will never bother you again.”

  She looked around, just now noticing that they were once again in Lorent’s secret place in the forest. There was no snow on the ground this time, but the trees were leafless, and the shrubs were bare. Undecided on what she should do, she sighed and went to him. When she sat down beside him, he reached for her and took her hand. His fingers more than spanned the width of her small palm, and she fought hard not to moan at how good his touch felt.

  “What do you want?” She watched him expectantly as his apparent inner struggle played over his features. She wanted to smooth the frown lines from his face, but forced herself to remain still as she waited for his response.

  He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I did horrible things while I was a rogue, Melony. I witnessed so many terrible things, and never did anything to stop any of it. I was 129

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  never aware until I came to Sanctuary that intended mates had two scents, hadn’t understood that all the women marked with the main scent were destined specifically for one of our males. I was brought up to believe that any woman with the main scent was fair game for any of us.”

  She nodded silently, encouraging him to continue.

  “It never felt right to me, and I swear to you that I never hurt a destined mate, or anyone else, for that matter. I learned to keep to myself, had to, or risk being abused or killed. The one time I tried to help a woman being tormented by some of the rogues I was running with at the time, I was beaten so badly I nearly died. Beating a lycan to death is no easy chore, and I learned quickly to keep my mouth shut after that.”

  “Oh, Lorent.” She tried to reach for him, but he stopped her.

  “No. Let me finish,” he pleaded, and she nodded. “I saw so many women hurt in so many ways. It makes me sick to think of all of our males who will never know their mate, disgusts me to know that I might have been able to save even one of them if I had tried harder. After a few years, I became a master at blocking everything out around me, shutting down and pretending I didn’t see what was going on.

  “I became lonely. I tried to ignore it at first, block it out like I did everything else, but the need to feel loved, to have someone who cared about me even a tiny bit became overwhelming. That’s when I tried to take Rose. She had the main scent, and I thought I had a right to her. I was wrong, and that’s when my life changed. Knox gave me two choices: Sanctuary or death.”

  Melony squeezed his hand and fought the urge to cry. She wanted to be strong for him, but the horrors he’d told her of his life made her heart hurt for him. He hadn’t known any better. He’d been a kid led astray by all the wrong people, but when worse came to worst, he’d made the right decision. He’d come to Sanctuary, realized, and had learned from his past mistakes and become an honorable, trustworthy man.

  “I’ve never told anyone about my past, and I don’t know if I can ever give you any specific details about it because I don’t want to remember it that well. I hope what I’ve told you is good enough because I really can’t imagine losing you. Remember when I said I’d always keep you safe? Protect you with my life?”

  “Yes.”

  “I meant it, every word of it. I will never let anything happen to you as long as I have a single breath left in my body. I’m not good with expressi
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  understand some of the ones I have when I’m near you, but you mean everything to me. If I have to spend the rest of my life without you, it will be a dark, gloomy existence for my soul because you are like the sun to me. I’m drawn to your warmth, the awing beauty of your glow, and ability to encourage growth and understanding.”

  “Oh, Lorent!”

  “I can’t tell you I love you, Melony. I don’t know what love feels like, and that’s one thing I want to be sure of before I say it. I can only promise to try to make you happy and spend the rest of my life cherishing you. I won’t lie, though. The intense need I feel to make love to you, claim you is overwhelming for me at times. I will always try to be gentle with you, but the predator in me craves dominance.”

  Her body heated, and she leaned toward him and kissed the shallow cleft in his chin.

  He shook his head when she tried to move to his lips next. “I want you to think about what I’ve told you, understand exactly what I’ve done in my past. If you can find it in your heart to forgive me, to accept me and what I am offering, I would be the happiest man on Earth. But, Melony?”

  “Yes?”

  “Be sure. Because if you tell me you want to be with me, there will be no going back.

  Do not doubt for a second that if you accept me, I will never let you go again. You will be mine forever.”

  His forever. At the moment that sounded like heaven. He’d confided in her, finally trusted her to tell her about his past. He’d done something just for her that he’d never done for anyone else. And as far as him loving her was concerned? She wasn’t worried about that. She believed that he already loved her, or he never would have laid his soul bare to her. She just needed to figure out a way to make him see, and if she couldn’t? He’d figure it out for himself in time.

  She started to tell him she wanted to be with him, but he stood and backed away from her, into the woods, where he disappeared.

  * * * *

  Lorent sat on his porch and watched the moon disappear then reappear through the passing clouds. He’d told her. Yes, he’d confided to her in a 131

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  dream, but that dream would be as close as he could come to telling her about his past. Maybe that wasn’t good enough.

  Yet he couldn’t help but feel hope when he remembered the serene acceptance on her face. She’d not been appalled at any time, nor had he gotten the feeling that she blamed him for the things he’d witnessed or allowed to happen. Maybe he’d been harder on himself, more unforgiving than others might have been. He’d always heard that the worst critic of oneself was oneself. But that still didn’t fix the other problem.

  She loved him, but he didn’t know if he reciprocated. What was love?

  What did it feel like? He wanted to give her his love, but what if he had none to give? What if that part of him had died long ago? But to be completely honest, if she accepted him, past and all, he’d claim her as his mate. He was too selfish to walk away again. He needed her, wanted her, longed for her.

  When she wasn’t with him, he felt the emptiness inside eating away at him.

  When she was nearby, when her scent enveloped him, when her tiny hands touched him, he felt whole, healed, and happy.

  He stood and sucked in a lungful of the cool night air. If you say yes, Melony, you will be mine forever.

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  Chapter Seventeen

  The next two weeks flew by. Although Melony had wanted to go see Lorent the day after she’d had the dream where he’d told her all about his past, she’d refrained from doing so—barely. It had only been a dream, after all. She now sat behind the wheel of a giant SUV waiting for Sherry to make an appearance.

  She hadn’t given much thought about agreeing to take her to town since the day she’d promised to.

  She’d been preoccupied with fretting over what to do about Lorent, and busy with giving haircuts. Every woman and man at Sanctuary had been groomed to perfection. She’d also helped with Christmas decorations. The place looked like a winter wonderland, and she was proud to have been a part of it. She never had gotten around to getting a tree for her cabin, but she didn’t really miss it with all the decorations that were all around her.

  Sherry came out of the clearing beside the SUV, and Melony sighed in resignation. A part of her had hoped that Sherry had forgotten. She’d be one happy camper when this trip was over and Sherry was back home safe and sound. She had a bad feeling about this little foray into town, but chalked it up to nerves from doing something she shouldn’t be doing.

  Sherry struggled into the passenger side, stretched the seat belt across her swollen belly, and clicked it into place. “Hey!”

  Melony smiled. “Hi.”

  “Ready?”

  “Yeah. Let’s get this over with,” Melony murmured.

  Sherry laughed. “It’s not like I’m dragging you to town to be tortured.

  This will be fun. Just us girls. Besides, if something goes wrong—and it won’t—we have the long-range walkie in the glove compartment, and there are phones in town. There will only be a short time there and back that we are out of range. We’ll just call back to Sanctuary if need be, and someone will be with us in a jiff.”

  “Yeah, and that’s when I get my ass tanned for helping you with this little stunt.”

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  “I thought you were supposed to be the optimistic one, not the Negative Nelly.” Sherry sighed. “Look. We’ll drive there. I’ll get Piers’s present, and we’ll come right back. Okay?”

  Really, what could happen? It wasn’t as if people didn’t drive to town every day. “Okay.” She put the SUV into gear and started slowly down the bumpy road.

  * * * *

  Two and a half hours later

  Melony breathed a sigh of relief. So far, so good. Sherry’s shortcut—

  although bumpy as hell—had taken the drive to town down to well under two hours. She’d kept true to her word, had gotten Piers’s present in no time, and now they were well into the trip back to Sanctuary. If they could get back without getting caught, Melony would be ecstatic.

  “Thank you so much for doing this for me, Mel. Can I call you Mel? It’s fitting. I don’t know why I haven’t called you it before now.”

  “Sure, and you’re welcome . . . again.” Melony giggled when Sherry laughed.

  “I know. I know.” Sherry put her hands up in surrender. “I’ve said thank you a million times, and I hate it myself when people do that, but you have no idea how much this means to me.”

  “I think I do.” Melony grinned.

  She looked over at Sherry, loving the way the happiness radiated from her and knowing she had a part in it. Maybe this trip wasn’t such a bad idea after all.

  “If you don’t mind me asking, why don’t you hang around with Lorent any longer?”

  Melony shrugged. “It’s kind of a long, complicated story.”

  “All the lycan men are complicated, Mel.”

  “Yeah, I guess they are, but Lorent is just so . . . so intense.”

  “Again, they all are, sweetie.” Sherry chuckled.

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  “Yeah, I guess they are, but he mixes me all up when I’m around him.

  And the dreams. Ugh.”

  “The dreams?” Sherry sat up straighter and stared at her.

  “Yeah. Since I met Lorent, I’ve had some really strange dreams. They seem so real. I’ve never had ones like that before.”

  “Oh hell. No one’s told you about the dreams,” Sherry muttered.

  “Told me what about what dreams?”

  “Mates can communicate with one another in dreams. They are as close as you can get to reality in dream world.”r />
  “Wait. What?” Holy crap. If what Sherry was saying was true—and she had no reason to believe Sherry would lie to her—that meant . . . “I’m Lorent’s mate?”

  Now that she thought back on the last dream, the one where he’d finally told her about his past, he’d said something about claiming her. Wasn’t that a mate thing? Or maybe it was just a lycan thing, although she’d never associated making love to someone with claiming them.

  “Sounds like.”

  “But why didn’t he tell me?” Melony was happy and pissed all at the same time.

  “As I said, the lycan men are complicated.”

  “Obviously.” Melony was going give Lorent a serious ass-kicking when they got back for not telling her she was his mate—if she was in fact. Maybe he didn’t tell her because he didn’t want her? But if the dreams were real, he’d come to her and confided in her about his past as she’d asked him to.

  He did care for her. Damn it. Why couldn’t he have told her?

  Then it dawned on her. The dreams were Lorent’s way of being himself with her without the guilt of reality weighing him down. There were no rules he had to follow, no one he had to answer to in the dreams, but himself and .

  . . her? He’d opened up to her the only way he knew how. She wanted to cry in relief. He did love her, and she had to figure out a way to make him realize it.

  Shortly after that thought, things went to hell in a handbasket. Sherry screamed at the same time Melony spotted a figure standing in front of them 135

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  on the road. She braked hard, and the SUV skidded sideways, down an embankment, and slammed into a tree that was now wedged against and blocking the driver’s side door.

  “Oh my God! Are you all right, Sherry?” Melony fumbled with her seat belt to scoot closer to Sherry.

  “Yes, yes. I’m okay, but we need to get out of here.”

  “I think we are stuck.” The way Sherry’s eyes darted from window to window was starting to scare Melony. “What’s wrong?”